The Practice of Listening to Understand

 One of our deepest human needs is to be understood and to belong. And yet, the capacity to truly understand another person begins with how well we understand ourselves.

When we practice listening inward — noticing the sensations in our bodies, paying attention to our breath, becoming aware of our inner landscape — we strengthen our ability to listen outward. Self-awareness creates space for compassion.

Years ago, I took courses with Landmark, and recently I’ve been revisiting some of their teachings. One resource I highly recommend is The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More by Jefferson Fisher — a book that offers practical tools for transforming how we communicate.

Understanding does not mean we have to agree. It doesn’t even mean we have to like what another person is sharing. True understanding is the ability to hold both our own perspective and someone else’s, without rejecting either.

Here are a few practices that help:

• Pause before responding. Take a single breath before you speak. That tiny space can change everything.
  
  

• Check in with yourself. Notice: Am I grounded? Am I reacting, or am I responding?
  
  

• Learn and unlearn your triggers. The more we notice what sets us off, the more we can choose different responses instead of repeating old patterns.
  
  

• Listen for meaning, not just words. Tune into the feeling under the conversation, not just the content.
  
  

• Name, don’t blame. Be clear and kind. State your truth calmly without pushing against theirs.
  
  

When we show up with self-assurance and confidence, we create a space where others can also be themselves — without threat or defensiveness.

Most of us are trained to listen in order to reply. But what if we listened to understand? Not to fix. Not to win. Simply to share in the human experience of another.

“You don’t have to win the moment. You just have to keep the conversation going.” — Jefferson Fisher

✨ I’d love to hear from you: Where in your life this week can you pause, breathe, and listen to understand rather than to respond?

In love and movement,

Lila